Could this be something, or is it just me being overly concerned?

by Lydia
(Georgia, USA)

Hello,

There is a middle aged man there who is in a position of authority with kids, unmarried, professional, lots of failed dating relationships. He has not taken the usual training/screening for church volunteers with children and I guess figures that, since everyone knows him he doesn't need to bother. He is very friendly with children, and really tries to foster relationships with the teenaged and pre-teen sons of one particular family. The parents of the family have no problem letting him drive the kids home without seatbelts, piled into his classic cars (we live in a small city with a very small town feel-everyone knows everyone). This guy knows and is friends with a number of local policemen, has been in the town from birth till now.

The other week a bunch of people, including his family members (mom, brothers, sisters) went over to his pool. He frequently invites the kids from the family I mentioned earlier, and usually the mom comes, too. I went with my husband and daughter and watched. He was very into horseplay with the boys, and honestly was really adolescent. He also made a few inappropriate supposed-to-be-complimentary comments about my pregnancy and began to nit pick my husband and imply that he's much better with kids. This goes on a lot, particularly the juvenile behavior with the boys. He seems to identify more with them. Adults usually find him very, very weird-he tends to be overly complimentary of familiar with women and bullyish or hypercritical of younger men. The pool incidents made me feel very uncomfortable but apart from people thinking he's weird, he has a sterling reputation in town.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? I've decided that since I just don't like the guy we won't be spending any time with him, and my husband agrees there's something just not right about him.

Answer:

I think you are spot on. This could go either way. There are some really strange people out there who have absolutely no intention to hurt a child…

…but like you, I don’t take those chances.

It’s probably a good idea to share a few thoughts with the parents of these boys who may in fact be targets. From the sounds of it, you’ve done your homework – you know the signs of a potential pedophile. You might consider sharing those signs with these parents.

But the signs that may be more important – since the weirdo has an interest in these boys specifically – are the signs that their child may be suffering from sexual abuse (see Tip #4 in this article. Even if you can’t spot a pedophile, you can usually see those changes in your child.

As for your family, it’s great that you are simply staying away from people who could be a danger. That’s one of the best prevention techniques. Teach your kids to do the same... and keep it up!

-Jannie